Goodbye/Hello

PauloThis thought is courtesy of today’s “Good Earth” tea bag. 🙂

It really struck me, because I’ve had quite a few goodbyes in the past four years…some willing and some very unwilling. I can’t say I’ve always been brave about it. But sometimes I have been.

Nuber family gathering 1967 enhanced cropped 2Pa and Mary before Mary's prom 1984 editedPa and Mary editedWhen my father died almost four years ago and I had to say goodbye to him, I was brave. He had been cheering me on to write Moose Tracks on the Road to Heaven for about two years leading up to his death, and afterward, I faced my fears, a new door opened, and I managed to finish it in a way that made me – and I hope would have made him – proud.

mother's heartWhen my then high school-aged daughter was hospitalized with an unexpected and incurable (albeit treatable) illness and I had to say goodbye to the safe and secure understanding of the world that I’d known up until then, I went through a period of shock, disruption and fear. But I ended up being brave. A new door opened over time – one of insight, knowledge, and the discovery of even deeper reserves of love – and it allowed me to be even more the kind of mother and wife I strive to be.

MooseTracks_CoverMost recently, when Moose Tracks ran into some road blocks and things didn’t go exactly as I’d planned, I was forced to say goodbye to the publication path I’d intended for it. And for the briefest of moments, I considered throwing in the towel. It had been a LONG haul…literally years of work and obstacles, tears and laughter, and digging deeper than I’d ever dug before. I was tired. But in the end I found reserves of bravery, and for every door that closed in front of me, I forced myself to face my discomfort, turn a corner, and find a new one to open. The last of these doors led to the publication of this novel that has meant so much to me…and according to early readers and two recent reviews, has been useful and enjoyable to others as well, striking the kind of chord and providing some of the thoughts, insights, and hopefulness that I was aiming to share with the rest of the world all along. I have high hopes that over time, this book will find the readers it’s meant to find, and all will unfold the way it is supposed to.

Life is good.

When we are brave enough to say goodbye…sometimes we are rewarded with a new hello. 🙂

 

Some Bone Deep Memories that led to Writing “Moose Tracks”

Now that Moose Tracks on the Road to Heaven is published, I’ve been thinking about some of the “behind the scenes” and inspirational  kinds of things I enjoy reading about/seeing when it comes to novels I’ve read by other authors – and so I decided to do a post of this sort today, for anyone who might be interested.

Mary on threadbare chairWe were pretty materially poor when I was little. So much so that when my father married my mother (it was a second marriage for them both, and she already had my five older sisters) there was a carpet pad instead of a carpet for quite a few years, and some furniture that was extremely threadbare (like in this picture, taken from inside our living room, in our little house near the lake).

Pa took this picture, I’m certain, as he was the camera-expert in the house, and I only found it recently, on a slide he’d given me years ago. I love it, actually, because of the ragged carpet pad and chair. I felt so much love and nurturing in my young life that I have no memory or distress at having so little in a material sense. My parents ensured that we had plentiful, wholesome, homemade food (with one of Ma’s delicious desserts every night!) and plenty of sturdy, warm clothing and shoes; we were living on my father’s salary alone with many mouths to feed, and we didn’t have a lot of frills, but we always had more than enough in that regard. I felt then and still feel I wanted for nothing.

Mary cyI’m sitting in the pic above with my hands uncharacteristically folded and a solemn expression on my face. Here’s another one on the left of my more usual, energetic demeanor, and on the right, from a professional photographer about six months earlier. Mary at 22 monthsI was two years old in the picture on the right and about three in both of the pictures taken at home – a happy, exuberant kid. However, my parents often told me that I was also a child who would sometimes retreat into a profound stillness and deep thoughts. When I had the kind of expression I’m wearing in the pic above – the one with my hands folded – my mother said she always wondered what I was thinking, and people often said I spoke and seemed far older than my years. I wasn’t so still and quiet very often, but I had the makings of a bookworm/thinker even then.

I’ll finish this post with some final, visual examples of the kind of happiness and love I experienced as a young child – the foundation of the life and family atmosphere that would inspire my writings so many years later. These pics are from my first birthday and were taken in the Homestead’s kitchen, next to my father’s chair (empty in these shots, as he was taking the photos), back in the winter of 1967. I am the sixth of seven daughters, but my parents ensured that each daughter was recognized in her own right, with attention, conversations, and of course recognition of us as individuals on our birthdays. Pa was at the ready with his camera, and we always had a cake baked for us lovingly by my mother (who is a wonderful cook, even today, though she is in her 80’s now).

Birthday 17 Birthday 16 Birthday 14 Birthday 13 Birthday 10

Life was good in the purest and best sense…filled with ups and downs, conflict and struggle, but also filled with the kind of warmth and nurturing that helped a little girl understand what’s really important, far above and beyond material goods.

 

Find Joy in the Journey

finish lineThis phrase happened to be on one of my tea bags this morning…but it’s something about which I remind myself regularly.

Life is a journey, but if you break it down even further, each book we read, song we listen to, film we watch…and yes, each day or even hour we live – is also a journey of its own sort. I end each of my books with an “Author’s Note” to give a little more insight into the history (for my historical romances) or the inspiration and content (for Moose Tracks on the Road to Heaven), and those always end with this phrase: “Thanks for coming along on the journey.”

So many times we rush through to get to “the end”. I suppose it’s human nature in this fast-paced, modern world. But it behooves us to slow down and notice the moments, the details, the notes, the images. It’s all part of the lush experience, both good and not-so-good that comprises life. So, try to enjoy the journey!

 

A Difficult Precept

20120727-141756I’m a “pleaser” by nature.

I feel very uncomfortable if I can’t “fix” a problem or just “work harder” to get everything done.

the-day-you-learn-to-say-no-to-what-currently-is-is-the-day-you-unlock-the-possibility-of-all-that-could-beAs I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that it’s not as easy as “just saying no”. Because after a long time of living this way, one attracts those into one’s life that enjoy being with someone who says “yes” and makes life easier for them. And the people in my life expect me to say “yes” and often become disgruntled when I “complain” that I have no time or I’m too busy. That makes me uncomfortable, and the process starts again.

It’s not as if I can just walk away from these people either. They are a part of daily life – most at home, some at work, some in other areas. So I’m forced to try to find a way to “re-train” myself – and them – to a different expectation.

You-have-to-learn-to-say-no-without-feeling-guilty_-Setting-boundaries-is-healthy_-You-need-to-learn-to-respect-and-take-care-of-yourselfUp until now, the only time I’ve been able to break the old pattern, even for a moment, is when I finally get angry when someone persistently takes my innate drive to help and work for granted.

Unfortunately, anger isn’t comfortable (or productive) either. Also, I can’t sustain it, due to my nature of being a “look at the bright side” kind of gal.

I’m glad that I’m like that, but it does make the yo-yo of trying to just say no when my habit and nature like to say yes that much more pronounced.

Xk32hbcI’m sure you’ve noticed how I’ve sprinkled a few very nice “self-help” posters about this issue throughout this post. They’re all very good and very true. I just have a hard time putting them into practice.

So for all you pleasers out there…how do you help yourself to implement the ability to (gracefully) say “no”? Do you have a little mantra you repeat to yourself? Do you use a system of numbers to arrive at when you’re overloaded? How do you help yourself to feel less disappointed and selfish when you say “no” to things that others expect and that you’re accustomed to providing? I’m all ears! 🙂

Artist Interview: M. Reed McCall

I had the pleasure of being interviewed by fellow blogger L.N. Holmes. She asked some great questions that really made me think. We covered a lot of ground, from industry thoughts to how an award-winning medieval romance writer shifts over to mainstream contemporary fiction…and why the two genres are not all that different after all, to me. 🙂

A Vase of Wildflowers

M. Reed McCall, author, Moose Tracks on the Road to Heaven, book, novel, ficiton, Mary Reed McCall, new book Copyright M. Reed McCall


(Please note that I am adding the addition of colored text. My questions will be in red and the artist’s answers will be in purple.)


L.N. Holmes: “Where is your hometown?”
M. Reed McCall: “I am originally from Rome, NY, which is about an hour east of Syracuse.”


L.N. Holmes: “What is your chosen artistic profession?”
M. Reed McCall: “I am a writer–although I am also a high school English teacher, which requires its own kind of artistry, and I have been working with students (numbered in the thousands by now) for the past 26 years.”

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Try

Posted @ QUOTEZ.COThis has resonated a great deal with me, lately. There have been a lot of changes going on in my life, personally and professionally. It also feels like I’m always juggling at least four and sometimes five or six different things that all need my attention, my energy, and my time, and it’s difficult. Often I feel like I’m failing at one or another.

Some are for my day job.

Some are for my husband and children.

Some are for my extended family or my friends.

TryResized_1And some are for my writing career…which is part of what comprises the things in my life that are “for me”, even though it doesn’t always feel like it’s something anyone in his/her right (write?) mind would undertake.

And there are times I think about just letting some things go (usually the “for me” things) and trying to settle into a life that is somehow more ordinary and therefore less stressful.

Except I’m not certain that’s even possible. We are who we are for a reason.

What drives us will do so and still be there, gnawing beneath the surface, whether we feed it with action and time or not.

life-is-trying-things-to-see-if-they-work-quote-of-this-day-political-quotes-about-life-936x621So the only thing we can do, I suppose, is to keep trying. Even when it’s frustrating. Even when my energy is drained.

Because it is part of who I am, and if it truly is, then I can no more easily cut out effort or energy toward it than I can cut off my own limb.

If my life hangs in the balance, then yes. If not, then I guess the only choice is to keep trying!

I Am Cinderella…

papers-to-grade

An actual stack of student papers that is the work of only three of my six classes…

The Struggle is Real…but I have snatched victory from the jaws of defeat!

In this modern age (so different from when I began teaching, back in 1988), student grades are submitted electronically, via computer. That means when grades are due on a particular date, they can be submitted up until midnight…at which point the system will lock you out, preventing any further entries.

In my case, the academic year’s first set of five week “progress report” grades were due today (well, technically yesterday at this point).

I am a HS English teacher.

With 92 students per day.

I bring home a LOT of papers, quizzes, reading logs and daily writing journals to read, correct, write suggestions on, and assess, followed by tabulating and entering averages into the computer, along with the variety of helpful comments that are expected and selected by code (i.e. typing in “300” will print out “A pleasure to have in class” on the report that students receive at home).

I am always behind in my paperwork (as in “I can either have clean clothes/see my kids/make dinner for the family/do the dishes/plan lessons/attend one of their sporting events/sleep for seven hours straight once in a while…or whittle away at the ever-growing pile of papers). Add my own fiction (or blog) writing to the mix, which is necessary for my mental health…and well, you get the idea.

It’s a never-ending battle, and a balancing act that tires me more than seven straight hours a day interacting with/facilitating discussions of/serving as sounding board and mediator for masses of young (sometimes hormonal) people ages 14 – 18. Don’t get me wrong: I love my job and adore my students – really and truly. A few get squirrely now and then, but mostly they are great. I feel privileged to work with them…but I HATE the paperwork.

Tonight, at the stroke of midnight, I entered in the last grade.  I escaped the wrath of the Guidance Office, who would be calling me in consternation tomorrow morning if they opened the system to run grades and some of mine were missing.

I am Cinderella, and I made it out by the time the clock struck 12. 🙂

Goodnight, all…