People

A Difficult Precept

3 Comments

20120727-141756I’m a “pleaser” by nature.

I feel very uncomfortable if I can’t “fix” a problem or just “work harder” to get everything done.

the-day-you-learn-to-say-no-to-what-currently-is-is-the-day-you-unlock-the-possibility-of-all-that-could-beAs I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that it’s not as easy as “just saying no”. Because after a long time of living this way, one attracts those into one’s life that enjoy being with someone who says “yes” and makes life easier for them. And the people in my life expect me to say “yes” and often become disgruntled when I “complain” that I have no time or I’m too busy. That makes me uncomfortable, and the process starts again.

It’s not as if I can just walk away from these people either. They are a part of daily life – most at home, some at work, some in other areas. So I’m forced to try to find a way to “re-train” myself – and them – to a different expectation.

You-have-to-learn-to-say-no-without-feeling-guilty_-Setting-boundaries-is-healthy_-You-need-to-learn-to-respect-and-take-care-of-yourselfUp until now, the only time I’ve been able to break the old pattern, even for a moment, is when I finally get angry when someone persistently takes my innate drive to help and work for granted.

Unfortunately, anger isn’t comfortable (or productive) either. Also, I can’t sustain it, due to my nature of being a “look at the bright side” kind of gal.

I’m glad that I’m like that, but it does make the yo-yo of trying to just say no when my habit and nature like to say yes that much more pronounced.

Xk32hbcI’m sure you’ve noticed how I’ve sprinkled a few very nice “self-help” posters about this issue throughout this post. They’re all very good and very true. I just have a hard time putting them into practice.

So for all you pleasers out there…how do you help yourself to implement the ability to (gracefully) say “no”? Do you have a little mantra you repeat to yourself? Do you use a system of numbers to arrive at when you’re overloaded? How do you help yourself to feel less disappointed and selfish when you say “no” to things that others expect and that you’re accustomed to providing? I’m all ears! 🙂

About Control…

Leave a comment

kdp-quotes_control3thingspp_w649_h649Much easier said than done.

Have you ever had someone accuse you of trying to “control” what they do?  I have.

But I’ve learned that often it’s not that you’re trying to control them; it’s that they feel trapped by their own choices, and the only solution is to push the blame outward.

To the one on the receiving end of that kind of accusation, it’s hurtful. Sometimes there is no moving past it. Sometimes calmer emotions prevail and the accuser can step back and realize what’s really happening.

Either way, all the other person can do is to remember the above comment. Each of us has control over only three things: What we think, what we say, and how we behave.

Notice none of them include “others”. Only ourselves.

You can’t control other people.

You can only control yourself.

What Do You Think?

12 Comments

It’s beginning to snow here in upstate New York, and so although we’re still a bit early for the Holiday build-up, I’m posting about a little controversy, and I’d love to hear your opinions.

Another author friend posted the following Christmas ad from Sainsbury’s (a UK-based supermarket). I was immediately drawn to the historical context of the ad, but some viewers of it found it offensive or disrespectful, according to some written commentary I’ve seen.

Have a watch, if you’re so inclined, and then please share your thoughts in the comments. Do you think it’s heartwarming or disrespectful?  I have my own opinions, but of course I’d like to hear yours before chiming in with mine! 🙂